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Author Topic: Real Life Funny Pain  (Read 1215 times)

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Real Life Funny Pain
« on: February 10, 2012, 01:03:18 PM »
Eric takes a header into a toilet in the hallway: 'nuff said.

sickdrjoe   Posted - 10 December 2001 21:16��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageOkay, new topic for this ghost town of a board. Theme: Cruel Is Funny.

What's the funniest REAL LIFE slapstick you've ever watched or took part in? One Mardi Gras night, very drunk & starved, I climbed out of a car in front of a Popeye's just around closing time. The lights were on full, I saw a few workers in there, and so thought, "Great, still open" and hurriedly walked into the plate glass door full force. The kid inside the place killed himself laughing; hey, I would've, too, if YOU'D done it while I watched. "You wanna go to the emergency room for that?" said my old lady concerned over the instant purple swelling.

"After we get chicken", was my groggy response as we drove off in search of a Church's open late.


-Now over here is the viaduct...
-Why a duck?

Edited by - sickdrjoe on 12/10/2001 9:18:47 PM
metaldams   Posted - 10 December 2001 21:44��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageI did the exact same thing the first day I moved into my house in Delaware. there was a glass door I didn't know about, and BOOM!, I walked hard right into the door.

I've been a victim of the bucket full of water over the door gag at work before. My first words were, "You stupid motherf^^^^^s!" After the initial shock wore off, I was laughing along with everyone else. A good Stooge fan like me has got to appreciate it, and it was only water.

I got another one, and it was VERY painful. It was my freshmen year in high school and it was during lunch. Everybody was leaving the cafeteria and I was in the middle of a big crowd of people, so I couldn't really see anything. There was a guard rail in the cafeteria that I couldn't see because of the crowd of people, and I walked right into it. Of course, the top of the guard rail was as high as I am just below my waist, so I'll give you one guess where I hit myself. The great thing is, since there was such a big crowd of people, no one saw it, but I was walking to class in pain, singing King Diamond songs.

Edited by - metaldams on 12/10/2001 9:54:39 PM
NoseHonk   Posted - 10 December 2001 22:56��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageOne time when my roomate and I were playing roller hockey with some of my other friends, I was in goal, sporting a small lead (I don't know how I remember that, as I don't remember the outcome of the game) and my roomate (actually he is my roomate now, we were just friends then), who was on the other team, had a break away, and I could see it in his eyes he was gonna get this shot by me if it killed him, it would, after all, tie the game. Well, as he tried to deke me out, his stick hit a crevise in the ground (we were in a parking lot) and the butt of his stick jammed straight into his....You know where. Not only that, but he is a VERY fast skater, and naturally was going VERY fast, the speed combined with the jammed stick force, lifted him off the ground, by his Bojangles, nearly flipping him completely over.

One of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Another, from elementary school:

Me and my schoolyard chums were playing football as we always did at recess, and my friend Jay, who was on my team was WIDE open this on play. Now Jay was a great reciever, second only to me (hehehe), and the QB, I can't remember who, launched one in Jay's direction. It was slightly over thrown, so Jay had to jet for it. Little did he know that the baseball chain linked fence was right in front of him. Then BAM!...

Now I was too far away to heard what Jay said, but an acqaitance, John, walked up to him and said something. I can only imagine what he said, but all I can say is, Jay who was not particularly known for his temper, planted John right in the chin. It was funny because I was too far away to hear a thing either one of them said to each other, I just see Jay hit the fence, get up, kind of woozy, John walk over point at Jay and slap his knee, and Jay deck him.

John walked over to the basketball hoop and hugged the pole and dropped to his knees. I felt sorry for him, but he should've known better.

As for me, there are too many to mention but I tell you the first one that comes to mind.

I was trying to see how tall my brother was, as it appeared he had grown a little bit. Well I grabbed a tape measurer and my brother, who decided to be a pain in the ass, grabbed it from me. I had one end, he had the other, we wrestled over it for about 10 seconds and finally I just yelled "LET GO!". He did, as I was still pulling on it. Not only that, but my hands were...you guessed it, right in front of...it. My closed fists and the tape measurer all came back and hit my future children. Dropping both me and my bro to our knees. Me in pain, he with laughter.
the Eel   Posted - 10 December 2001 23:32��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageSeveral funny pain things have happened to me and others. Once my friend was laughing so hard while drinking chocolate milk, it came out of his nose! From what he told me, its painful.

Another thing that happened just two days ago was that I was playing racquetball and I hit the ball onto the wall and it bounced back and hit my nose!

Another thing that happened was when I walked from my backyard to a door I thought was open, but I walked straight into the screen door and broke it!

Another funny thing that once happened was that I was talking to my friend while walking down a sidewalk and I didn't see a lightpost and I walked right into it and I was in a world of hurt. My friend laughed quite a bit at that.

Yet another painful yet humorous experience took place in Elementary school. I was walking along the tan bark on the upper level of the playground, then I tripped and fell to the lower level which also had tan bark and my mouth was covered with tan bark and it would be a very funny sight if you had seen it. BTW, the lower level was only about 3 feet.

Those are some painful, yet funny things. I'll try to think of more later.

Edited by - the Eel on 12/10/2001 11:41:59 PM
NoseHonk   Posted - 10 December 2001 23:42��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageSounds like my life, Mike.

I too have plowed through, not into, but through a door.
I once had a basketball bounce off the back of a Suburu and tag me in the nose.

I have also had Kwencher, which is that flavored water stuff come out of my nose.

What happened was it was actually my bro's drink, and I was teasing him with it, and he jumped out of the couch and the family room and he yells "SEAN!!!!" and then, I shot a tiddely wink at him and pegged him right between the eyes (he had been hitting me with them all night). He responded by holding his forehead and yellign "YOU F*CKER!", Just as I had taken a HUGE swig of it. I don't what it was, probably the way he said it, but the Oranges And Cream flavored drink came flying out of my nose.


Edited by - Nosehonk on 12/10/2001 11:49:01 PM
ISLIPP   Posted - 10 December 2001 23:43��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageYou're not gonna BELIEVE what I'm recovering from right now! I never made mention of this here before, but here's what happened:

My dad still has most of a brand new toilet in the upstairs hallway. The tank is now in the bathroom. He still has yet to take the old toilet out to install the new one in its place.

Last Monday night, as I was walking through our mostly dark hallway, I turned the corner too quickly and recklessly. My shin hit what felt like the bowl of the toilet and I fell forward, FAST and HARD! I landed on the top of my nose, right between the eyes! I howled in pain as I got up, holding my face. My dad called from downstairs- "What happened?" I told him and he came upstairs. I felt something wet around my eye- and knowing that I haven't shed tears in times of worse pain for many years, I knew it was blood. As I went into the bathroom to look in the mirror, my dad turned the hallway light on and folowed me into the bathroom. I saw that my face looked almost as bloody as Chris Jericho's face in that steel cage match tonight. My nose was busted open, right between the eyes and the other side of my right eye was cut too, VERY close to the white of the eye! I got stitches in my schnoz that night and also found out that I BROKE my nose, just a little though. The stitches were removed yesterday, but the doctor said the wound is infected! It looks better now, though.

"I wanna be a boss. I wanna be a big boss. I wanna be the biggest boss to ever boss the world around." -10cc ©2001
NoseHonk   Posted - 10 December 2001 23:54��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageOuch. That sounded like it hurt like a *&*(@^#(*&^#*@&^@&*(^#*&@#^@*&#^!
metaldams   Posted - 10 December 2001 23:58��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageDamn SLIPP that must've hurt!

When I was younger my family was at a picnic. I was napping on a blanket, so my brother decides to wake me up by punching me full force in the groin. I don't think he ever wants to be an uncle.

I also remember as a little kid sneezing while I had a mouthful of Rice Krispies. Of course they went all over the place.
metaldams   Posted - 11 December 2001 0:7��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageI also remember spilling paint on my New York Mets shorts when I was 3. My neighbor was painting his house and I was hanging out with him. My Mom was flipping out big time. The crazy thing is this is the only memory I have of this neighbor because he died of a heart attack at age 48 when I was 3 after his wife died of cancer the week before. He left three teenage sons.

Then, also when when I was 3, I opened up the fridge and tried to take out a glass ginger ale bottle. I dropped it and had to get 7 stitches on my foot and ankle. There was blood everywhere.
sickdrjoe   Posted - 11 December 2001 0:35��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageSlipp, seriously, you're lucky you're ALIVE. You musta hit your nose JUST RIGHT so that it 'only' busted. An inch either way and you'd've driven that bone up & in, in which case there'd be an In Memoriam thread here for you, and I'd be running an ad in Backstage for a new Costello.


-Now over here is the viaduct...
-Why a duck?

Edited by - sickdrjoe on 12/11/2001 2:24:07 PM
ISLIPP   Posted - 11 December 2001 1:7��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageWow sickdrjoe! I was only thinking about possible eye damage, but you could be right too!

And to think- I had stitches VERY recently for another thing! Those who've read the Stoogeworld review forum in the last couple of weeks know about this: 2 days before this last Thanksgiving, I was carrying an ash tray made of glass in my right hand across a wet floor. ISLIPPed and fell and the ash tray shattered in my hand. It gave me the deepest cut I've ever had. I got 3 stitches in the palm of my hand, but 5 stitches in my nose last Monday.

"I wanna be a boss. I wanna be a big boss. I wanna be the biggest boss that ever bossed the world around. -10cc ®2001
the Eel   Posted - 11 December 2001 1:31��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageNow for my less funny accidents since this topic came up...

When I was 7, I was playing a game called FBI tag with my friends and I played the convict they were chasing. I was also running in the dark, a very stupid thing to do, but what can you expect from a 7 year old? I tripped on a rock and fell on a tree stump. At first the shock and pain made me cry and my dad thinks its nothing serious, but when looks under my shirt, he saw that my chest was cut open and could see actual muscles within my body! At first I wanted to see what it looked like, but I'm glad I didn't after learning you could go into shock if you see a wound like that on you! I went to the hospital and had five stitches on my chest. The scar is quite visible today and will probably be for the rest of my life.

Another story happened when I was 12. I was at a week-long camp that was a school field trip and my group and I were climbing a tree which was called the talking tree. I was at a branch about 6 ft. from the ground and then I have a strange feeling I'm going to fall off. A few seconds later, I did. I landed on my side and hit my head on the dusty ground. The fall also twisted my ankle. At first I thought my head was okay until it started pounding even worse than before. I felt ill. Then after a while, I puked. Then my teacher took me to the principal's office and then a few minutes later, I fainted as they were contacting my parents. From what I heard, it took them 10 minutes to wake me up and I didn't even know that I fainted! Does anybody when they faint?
Then I was driven to the hospital and the doctors there found out I had a minor concussion, and as a result, I had to go home.

BTW, the talking tree must've sweared at me like crazy! Also, as an amazing coincidence, both times I went to the same hospital in which I was born!

Edited by - the Eel on 12/11/2001 1:35:19 AM
bruckman   Posted - 11 December 2001 1:57��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageOne time at the gym while doing lying tricep presses I misjudged the distance and banged the bar into my forehead. (Lying tricep presses are also known as "skullcrushers" and for good reason). Didn't hurt too much (thick head) but my workout partner went around telling everyone what I'd just done, and the embarrassment was much more painful.

Treeplanting: Climbing over a windrow (a large pile of deadfall, logs, slash, etc. about 15 feet high) I saw what looked like nice solid bare ground on the other side and jumped down. Wasn't solid at all: it was nothing but soft mud, and I went in up to my hips, got my boots solidly filled with mud, and required 15 minutes [maybe more] to extricate myself and my boots and equipment. On another windrow [you'd think I'd learned my lesson, but a year or 2 later I was dumb enough to climb over another] I slipped on a wet log and fell butt-first in between two large logs, wedging myself in with my legs sticking up in the air. Again, not too painful, but time-consuming.

I have also repeated Larry's goof of dumping a bowl of something-or-other on my head while wondering what idiot put it on that shelf; more recently I have developed a bad habit of cracking myself in the head with the plaster cast on my left wrist while sleeping.
NoseHonk   Posted - 11 December 2001 2:6��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageI was painting an art project once, and had my root beer right next to my paint water...

Sound familiar?
bruckman   Posted - 11 December 2001 5:20��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageFew more treeplanting ones (treeplanting is a hazardous occupation):

Robby, my foreman, was trying to siphon some gas out of his truck into another vehicle. Siphon wouldn't work so he began sucking on it like a straw - and of course ended up swallowing gas.

On one of my crews, some planter had brought along an old dirt bike. This bike was a constant source of trouble. One planter took it for a spin on a logging road and the throttle stuck; the bike went off the road at the next curve into a section of forest and didn't stop until it made contact with a large tree. The planter (his face fairly abraded from branches) then had to push the bike back to camp, a mile and a half. A few days later another planter decided to ride it and the same thing happened; fortunately he was going much slower and was in camp at the time; unfortunately he drove straight into the door of another planter's car (a very big and mean-tempered planter).

I personally have fallen off the back of a pickup truck, gotten hit on the head with a log, been attacked by a grouse, and toppled off a log into a river (better than doing the split and getting the log in the interstitial area, I figured).

Like Nose I played hockey and a list of painful sights wd. be too long.

Slipp, you must be accident prone! If I were you I'd be in bed with the pillow over my head.
hassan-ben-sober   Posted - 11 December 2001 12:56��Show Profile��Email Poster��Edit MessageIn my raquet activities class we were playing raquetball and I wind up and hit it with all my might, the ball hits the wall and comes right back and smacks me in my eye. Im bent over double holding my eye cause it feels like my eyeball fell out my jacka$$ friend is laughing his ass off

At work one time for a few months we were laughing about this other guy who had a car accident. I know it sounds evil but this guy was such a moron he totalled his friggin camero into a bush, claiming that there was an icy spot in the middle of april

ive had a few to many myself

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown