(Quiet Riot's "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)" blasts across the PA as Metaldams comes out to the podium in torn jeans, a dirty jean jacket with 10,000 band patches on it, a Manowar t-shirt, and his poodle permed mullet flapping in the wind)
Ladies and gentlemen, it has been awhile, but another MST is about to take place, numero quatro, to be exact, mi abuerros. You well-liked and respected Stooge board veterans already know what an MST is but to you newbies (all three of you's), it is The Metaldams Shorts Tournament, which I have so humbly named after myself. We simply hold a tournament to decide which Stooge short is indeed, THE BEST. What were the past winners, asks the young man in the front with the unibrow?
MST: DISORDER IN THE COURT (1936)
MST II: AN ACHE IN EVERY STAKE (1941)
MST III: WHO DONE IT? (1949)
A different winner everytime.
So, what are the rules this time around? Well, since I created this tournament and am therefore God by default (capital G, natch), I got some mad at 38 shorts and have decided to eliminate them. "Abuse of power," I see the arthritic dwarf with eight heads just said. Not so fast, bucko, the 38 shorts I eliminated are all the Joe Besser and stock footage Shemp marathons. MST IV consists of nothing but Curly and original Shemp. Why? Because anything else is a waste a time. There's a person reading my words right now, you know who you are, who is a big Joe Besser fan and disagrees with this decision. Well my friend, a Joe Besser short has never, and I repeat, NEVER, made it to round II in previous tournaments, and I don't expect anything to change.
MST IV consists of 152 shorts, and 19 8 short/3 round tournaments. The 19 winners of each tournament will then be involved in a "Survivor Round." Voters choose their five least favorite shorts, in order, and the three shorts with the most points will be voted off the island, if you will, so a 16 short tournament can take place.
Each round will last 1 week, and pairings were decided through a seeding system (is that a proper term? Oh well, I'm the tournament God, so it'll do). Seeds 1 - 152 were determined on how high each shorts rating was on www.imdb.com
OK, so those are the rules. I hope you folks enjoy this little tournament I came up with, and my friends, remember - THE BEST IS YET TO COME!