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Author Topic: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were  (Read 12481 times)

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Offline archiezappa

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Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
« Reply #25 on: September 27, 2007, 06:23:15 PM »
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  • "A Pie In Every Face" (1947)  The episode opens with The Stooges selling "Dopey Dan's Daily Double" (stock footage from "Even As I.O.U."  When the cop chases them, they duck inside a house.  That's when we notice that "Curly," who's only shown from behind, is actually Vernon Dent with a bald wig (He refused to shave his head for the role!).  Inside the house, a swanky party is happening.  In the next scene, Moe instructs the boys to disguise in some tuxedos they found in the hall closet.  The rest of the short is every inch of pie-fight stock footage the Stooges ever filmed. 

    This short didn't work in so many ways.  They thought they could wait until Curly got better, but were contractually obligated to keep making films.  After this was made, that idea was shelved and Moe called his brother Shemp to fill in.  The short was released to only a handful of theaters and was panned as the worst film ever to come from Columbia, ever.  In fact, it was so bad, that several theaters refused to screen their next film, "Fright Night."

    Offline jrvass

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #26 on: September 27, 2007, 07:26:40 PM »
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  • I guess I am at loss as to why slamming the Stooges about fantasy/crappy scripts benefits us, while trying to beg get all 190 shorts + extra material released on DVD.

    This seems to be working at cross purposes.

      ???

    Can someone explain this to a puddinhead? TIA.

    James
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    Offline Larry Larry

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #27 on: October 02, 2007, 05:43:40 PM »
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  • Can someone explain this to a puddinhead? TIA.

    James

    Soitenly....

    Well, it's just a parody (See "Goofs and Saddles" or "Out West" for parodies of Westerns)  It exists in all forms of literature, film and music.  It certainly isn't limited to this web site.  It's an affectionate ribbing of the comedy styles of the Stooges. 

    And to some extent, this little thread is also a satire (See "You Natzy Spy" or "I'll Never Heil Again" for satires of Hitler), because we have mocked the business practices of the old studio in their treatment of the Stooges.  Not many Stooge fans feel the studio treated them the way we think they deserved to be treated. 

    Hope that helps you enjoy the posts others have contributed.
    These pretzels are making me thirsty!

    Offline jrvass

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #28 on: October 02, 2007, 06:39:40 PM »
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  • L L,

    Thanks for the reply. I'm still not sure that I "get it", but I am not much of a screenwriter of purposeful bad comedy.

    My humor tends to run towards the "dry" side. Sometimes I spout something off and people howl with laughter. I have no idea what I just said that was funny.

    That's fine with me. I like to unexpectedly amuse people. The alternative is too grim.  [pie]

    James
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    Offline archiezappa

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #29 on: October 09, 2007, 09:30:45 AM »
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  • I guess it's just our way of doing fan fiction.  It's fun.  I don't think we're working against the DVD releases.  My brother said it's funny because several Stooges shorts are formula.  Once you figure out the formula, you could write hundreds of them.   ;)

    Offline Fake Shemp

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #30 on: October 11, 2007, 09:39:15 PM »
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  • "A Pie In Every Face" (1947)  The episode opens with The Stooges selling "Dopey Dan's Daily Double" (stock footage from "Even As I.O.U."  When the cop chases them, they duck inside a house.  That's when we notice that "Curly," who's only shown from behind, is actually Vernon Dent with a bald wig (He refused to shave his head for the role!).  Inside the house, a swanky party is happening.  In the next scene, Moe instructs the boys to disguise in some tuxedos they found in the hall closet.  The rest of the short is every inch of pie-fight stock footage the Stooges ever filmed. 

    This short didn't work in so many ways.  They thought they could wait until Curly got better, but were contractually obligated to keep making films.  After this was made, that idea was shelved and Moe called his brother Shemp to fill in.  The short was released to only a handful of theaters and was panned as the worst film ever to come from Columbia, ever.  In fact, it was so bad, that several theaters refused to screen their next film, "Fright Night."

    Ya know, I could almost picture a mess like this actually happening after Curly had his stroke! Imagine how long they had to wait until they could replace him! Ironically, I remember reading that after Curly's severe stroke, Columbia wanted to replace him with a rotund character with the same height and shape, but Moe, completely baffled that they would want to hire a stranger in his act, said no and got Shemp to fill in. Good job, archiezappa! Okay, here's mine:


    THREE MEN IN A TUB (1947) – After the disaster that was A PIE IN EVERY FACE, Moe called in Shemp to replace Curly. This was the first actual short with Shemp Howard as the third Stooge, not FRIGHT NIGHT. The storyline: The boys go to Las Vegas to try to win some money to purchase a huge bathtub to put in their bathroom to impress their dissatisfied wives. This story had potential for good gags and for the boys to create havoc in many scenes. But there were so many things wrong with this short that it is impossible to list them all. For one, since this is the first film Shemp made with Moe and Larry, we see Shemp imitating Curly way too much here. The script originally called for Curly as a Stooge but the filming of this was rushed and had to meet a deadline and the suits at Columbia didn’t have time to modify the script so as to put in Shemp’s own personality. So they resorted to having him recite Curly’s original roles line by line, which was very unsettling for the audience. He does plenty of things that Curly would usually do, including, but not limited to, slapping his face numerous times, grunting in a high-pitched voice, humming like Curly, and he even n’yuks once or twice here too! Also, the director of this short, Del Lord’s slump reaches a whole new low here, with a lot of goofs, errors, and plotholes being scattered around, so many that even a casual moviegoer could probably point at least a few of them after only one viewing. This was only shown in a few select theaters during the time of its release, and only after a day or so, it was never shown or heard of again. Disappointed with the first effort with Shemp, and after many squawks from movie viewers for this short, Columbia higher-ups decided to destroy this reel.

    Offline Fake Shemp

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #31 on: October 22, 2007, 02:07:46 PM »
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  • Oh, and another funny thing about Vernon Dent doubling for Curly in A PIE IN EVERY FACE is that Vernon was 5'9", Curly was 5'5", and Moe and Larry were 5'4". Wasn't Vernon also hunching over (just like Joe Palma did, since he was taller than Shemp) during those scenes with him shown from behind?

    Offline Senorita Rita

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #32 on: March 01, 2008, 02:07:06 PM »
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  • Heh. I love threads like this.  :D

    EVEN AS D.M.V. (1939): One of the least funny shorts of the Curly era, if you actually consider this a Three Stooges short. Only the first four minutes are new material.  It starts with Larry and Curly trying unsuccessfully to get their car to start. Moe eventually hops out to check under the hood. The car then immediately starts, running over Moe (the film is sped up for comic effect.) Larry and Curly hop out to help Moe, his face covered with tire marks. Moe, having recovered quickly, gives Larry and Curly a quick fist to the forehead and shouts, "You mugs oughta watch where you're goin!" Larry: "We're sorry Moe. Are you okay?" Moe: "I'm fine, but some folks ain't so lucky."  The scene then fades to the title, "How to Responsibly Operate Your Automobile," an educational one reeler from 1935. That short plays in its entirety, and the Stooges aren't seen on screen for the remainder of the film.
    ...to say the least, if not less...

    Offline Larry Larry

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #33 on: October 10, 2008, 03:20:52 PM »
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  • The new DVD releases have brought me back to this board.

    And boy oh boy, have I missed being around Stooge fans. 

    This thread has had me laughing out loud for 10 minutes.  :laugh:  Thank you all.
    These pretzels are making me thirsty!

    Offline Fake Shemp

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #34 on: March 12, 2009, 09:41:09 AM »
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  • It's been a while since the last unimaginable short, so I "found out" about another one.

    THE THREE BEARTENDERS (1953) - This was actually meant to be a remake of BEER BARREL POLECATS after that short's lackluster review from too much footage and Curly being ill. Well, it turns out that at the last minute before any real production could be done, the Columbia shorts department forced Jules White to make Shemp remakes of Shemp shorts instead of Shemp remakes of Curly shorts due to budgetary constraints. So before that announcement was made, they only managed in 2 minutes of new footage, including the beginning when they walk out of a bar without beer, and some house scenes. Everything else, Jules scrambled to get in reused scenes from other Shemp shorts for this one, including the drink making scene from OUT WEST and the prison scenes from FUELIN' AROUND. This was never released because they were afraid the short wouldn't make the slightest sense with the massive amount of stock footage from the earlier Shemp shorts. It's actually hard to come by and the only way to find it is in Columbia's vault.

    Offline 7stooges

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #35 on: November 25, 2016, 01:28:59 PM »
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  • Sorry for bumping such an old thread, but it's always been a favorite of mine. Years before joining this forum, I used to read through these film ideas you folks came up with, and laugh my head off! I particularly enjoyed the TV pilot concept Archiezappa came up with.

    Let's see if I can add something to the mix. Forgive me if this is a tad rusty.

    CHEAP SPILLS AND NO THRILLS (1956) - A Fake Shemp short - in 3-D! The whole premise is that the Stooges are literally watching the audience, so that we get a full taste of eye pokes, slaps, and pies to the face that the boys usually go through. Sounds like a cool idea, right? Well, it gets old pretty quickly, as it's essentially fifteen minutes of abuse towards the viewer. The biggest running gag throughout involves Moe physically shoving "Shemp" into the camera. It's as if he's trying to tell the audience that Joe Palma isn't really Shemp. Not that he'd been doing that great of a job of hiding it in the previous four shorts.

    Offline archiezappa

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #36 on: November 25, 2016, 01:37:54 PM »
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  • Thanks, 7stooges!  These were a lot of fun to do.  This was a long time ago.  My, how time flies!  Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    I like yours as well.  Attacking the audience!  Oh well, that's still better than many of the Joe Besser shorts.   ;)

    Offline dom dip

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #37 on: November 26, 2016, 12:29:05 AM »
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  • The Three Stooges Show Pilot Episode (1977).  After Moe's death, the remaining stooges: Emil Sitka, Curly-Joe DeRita and Joe Besser team up for a new television series.  I don't understand why they thought this would work.
    The episode begins with the three of them asleep in one bed.  The phone rings and Joe (who's now wearing a "Moe" style wig) answers.He suddenly starts yelling for the other two to wake up.  They all three pile into the bathroom just like in "Cactus Makes Perfect" with Joe and Curly-Joe redoing the scene of Curly shaving.  It's just not the same.They're all dressed just like Moe, Larry and Shemp were in "Malice In The Palace."In fact,the whole rest of the episode is just a remake
    Do you know how many episodes they made? Maby if they would of played their own original stooge charactor instead of trying to be Moe, Larry, Curly or Shemp and made original episodes instead of remakes it would of been a good series?

    Offline Paul Pain

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #38 on: November 26, 2016, 10:48:30 AM »
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  • I LOL'd at this stuff.
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    Offline dom dip

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #39 on: November 28, 2016, 07:14:42 PM »
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  • I LOL'd at this stuff.

    There should be a new 3 stooges series of 3 new stooges, they can look similar to the original 3 but be different stooges with different names like, Kemp, Messy and Dunky for example(haha), in color of course but the question is should this new series be set in the 1930's to 50's or 2016??? How about set in an unknown timezone that may resemble late 30's, 40's to 2016? woo woo woo woo.

    Offline Paul Pain

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #40 on: November 29, 2016, 05:47:37 AM »
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  • WAR SNORES, 1952

    This was a disaster of a short.  Remember the propaganda films of WWII?  Well, this was the equivalent of Korea during the Shemp era.  The boys are three inept soldiers who get discharged for different reasons: Shemp to be with his family, Moe for getting injured in combat, and Larry dishonorably for crashing Douglas MacArthur's personal Jeep.  From here, it is essentially a remake of THE YOKE'S ON ME, with the difference being (a) the Stooges just find the abandoned place and (b) the escapees are Commie soldiers.  But no goose jokes; no pumpkin heads; no foul-mouthed farmers.  All the bit players are non-Koreans doing borderline racist stereotypes.  And, in the end, it turns out they were listening to COMMIE radio and that the escapees were allies!  Shemp manages to frame Larry and Moe, and they escape the firing squad in a manner similar to SAVED BY THE BELLE (with stock footage).
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    Offline CurlyFan1934

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #41 on: November 29, 2016, 02:14:56 PM »
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  • We're Trying Our Hardest

    A short film made in 1959 with Moe, Larry, and Joe Besser. They apologize to all of the fans of the Stooges and announce their last film, Sappy Bull-Fighters. At this point, the audience usually applauds. Then, they show clips of Curly and Shemp shorts to remind us (as Moe puts it) "a better time".

    Offline Tony Bensley

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #42 on: December 23, 2016, 06:36:33 PM »
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  • Miracle Of 3 Or 4 Sappy Santas (1959)

    This never released yuletide Stooges entry features Moe, Larry, Joe, and Shemp (In very sloppily inserted recycled footage!), as hired Santa helpers.  In this short, the boys restore the kids of an orphanage's belief in Santa Claus and that wonderful things can happen at Christmastime; or at least until the unconvincing insertion of the Shemp as Santa footage!  Then, things go downhill real fast, as Joe's incessant whining over the mere threat of being poked by the other Stooge Santas, and his being upstaged by dead Shemp, drag down the proceedings even more than usual!

    The mere threat of 20th Century Fox putting forth litigation over their similarly titled feature of a dozen years previous, prevented the theatrical release of this clunker of a Claus short, the last two reeler ever to be shot by the Stooges!


    Offline CurlyFan1934

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #43 on: March 23, 2017, 04:33:19 PM »
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  • Cheap Chirps

    This is a Joe Palma-era Stooge short wherein Moe, Larry and "Shemp" buy two birds for very low prices, for absolutely no reason at all. Then, there is archive footage from "Hold hands you lovebirds!" scene from Brideless Groom for absolutely no reason at all. I guess because there's a bird in that scene? I don't know. The plot is confusing. We then go to a rehash of Cuckoo on a Choo-Choo but with birds playing Shemp and Moe.. And for that matter all of the other actors too. And then at the end Moe and Larry visibly quit for some reason and just leave Joe Palma in bird form and then the director yells "Cut" and then the short ends. It's really quite a confusing short.

    Offline stoogestats

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #44 on: April 14, 2017, 09:09:33 PM »
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  • I enjoy watching Cuckoo on a Choo Choo.

    Offline Big Chief Apumtagribonitz

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #45 on: April 24, 2017, 07:19:49 PM »
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  • Busy Buddy (1955 (?) 1956) -
         You will never see this film, though a print exists.  When Buddy Hackett claimed he had turned down the third-stooge job because they were hitting each other with real tools and other dangerous implements, it was taken as a comedic story and disregarded, but one print, and one only, exists which verifies Hackett's story.  On his deathbed, before many witnesses, Buddy related that he had had a formal readthrough of a script with the entire stooge team assembled, and his reading was so good and so youthfully sparkling that Jules White and the other assembled execs went wild and hired him on the spot.  Moe and Larry were furious, knowing that Hackett would make them look washed-up and downright elderly, so they decided on extreme measures, and since this was going to be a remake of The Sitter Downers, a construction film, they would use actual tools and actual accidents and actual dynamite to discourage this upstart.  Hackett, not knowing any better, went along with the slapstick, taking hits from real iron crowbars, sledgehammers, nailguns, etc. sucking up the pain as best he could, hiding the bandages and trying to walk until the effort became utterly impossible.  If you could see the one print, which was so grotesque and bloody as to be utterly unreleasable to the public ( and which no one outside the one collector's immediate family ever will see ) you would see that Buddy starts out the film acting like a youthful, joyous Curly, and ends it looking like Steven Hawking.  Columbia lawyers realized that this was ruinously actionable, and settled quickly with the Hackett family ( Buddy recovered eventually, at least to the extent that we all remember him ) and, under threat of a separate lawsuit, settled money and the one existing print (they'd burned the negative but forgotten the one positive) on the Spike Jones organization, with whom it remains, since they had earlier contracted Buddy for Fireman Save My Child.

    Offline stoogestats

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #46 on: April 24, 2017, 10:58:14 PM »
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  • Busy Buddy (1955 (?) 1956) -
         You will never see this film, though a print exists.  When Buddy Hackett claimed he had turned down the third-stooge job because they were hitting each other with real tools and other dangerous implements, it was taken as a comedic story and disregarded, but one print, and one only, exists which verifies Hackett's story.  On his deathbed, before many witnesses, Buddy related that he had had a formal readthrough of a script with the entire stooge team assembled, and his reading was so good and so youthfully sparkling that Jules White and the other assembled execs went wild and hired him on the spot.  Moe and Larry were furious, knowing that Hackett would make them look washed-up and downright elderly, so they decided on extreme measures, and since this was going to be a remake of The Sitter Downers, a construction film, they would use actual tools and actual accidents and actual dynamite to discourage this upstart.  Hackett, not knowing any better, went along with the slapstick, taking hits from real iron crowbars, sledgehammers, nailguns, etc. sucking up the pain as best he could, hiding the bandages and trying to walk until the effort became utterly impossible.  If you could see the one print, which was so grotesque and bloody as to be utterly unreleasable to the public ( and which no one outside the one collector's immediate family ever will see ) you would see that Buddy starts out the film acting like a youthful, joyous Curly, and ends it looking like Steven Hawking.  Columbia lawyers realized that this was ruinously actionable, and settled quickly with the Hackett family ( Buddy recovered eventually, at least to the extent that we all remember him ) and, under threat of a separate lawsuit, settled money and the one existing print (they'd burned the negative but forgotten the one positive) on the Spike Jones organization, with whom it remains, since they had earlier contracted Buddy for Fireman Save My Child.

    I find this hard to believe until I see it. Since the film will never be seen I guess I will never believe the story.


    Offline Paul Pain

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #47 on: April 25, 2017, 05:35:35 AM »
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  • We've all heard the rumor (no one has proven if it's true or not) about Mantan Moreland being considered for a Stooge role after Shemp's death.  Turns out, it was true, and the resulting short, FRIGHT NIGHT FLIGHT, was an injurious disaster.

    The short story is that this combines DIZZY PILOTS and TRICKY DICKS.  The boys decide that, since it's too far to drive, they'll fly a plane to rescue the heroine (Mary Ainslee).  The flight (stock footage from DIZZY PILOTS of the flight) ends when the plane catches fire and crashes into Dr. Ogavihz's (played by an unknown rookie actor named Lyle K. Rutherford) lab, crushing his butler (Phil Van Zandt, who suffered a concussion in a miscue by a stagehand).  Moe and Moreland suffered 2nd degree burns from the flames.  The boys catch Dr. Ogavihz when Moreland falls through the floor unto Rutherford, knocking him out.

    Well, Rutherford suffered injuries that ended his career, and Columbia, fearing the Klannies due to a white actor getting injured by a black man, ended the Mantan Moreland era and cut the film up with a razor.  Someone fixed it, but it is now considered to be lost in someone's attic.
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    Offline 7stooges

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #48 on: April 25, 2017, 01:42:39 PM »
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  • In addition to Mantan's brief stay with the boys, we can't forget Mousie Garner's brief stint in the TV pilot I'VE BEEN STOOGED. A bizarre precursor to a reality show, the pilot follows Mousie on his journey to becoming Joe Besser's replacement. Tons of scripted drama from the grueling rehearsals and unsuccessful nightclub gigs are featured. Moe shoots down Mousie's suggestion to have his eyes fall out after receiving an eye poke. Larry becomes jealous of Mousie's frizzier hair. All of this eventually leads to a massive pie fight, which sends Mousie to the Emergency Room (turns out he's allergic to blueberries and whipped cream).

    KOOK'S TOUR, EPISODE 2 finds Moe, Curly-Joe, and Harry (Emil Sitka) going to Japan. During the opening scene, Moe briefly explains that Larry had to get a haircut, and missed the flight. Harry is supposed to be Larry's cousin, who works as an airline steward. Why he eventually joins Moe and Joe is never really explained. Perhaps if Normam Maurer had devoted less screen time to Moose the Dog, we could have found out.

    As with the previous episode, Moe does little more than provide boring facts and politely boss around his fellow Stooges. While the younger Moe would always grab the other two by the hair (or ears, nose, or mouth) to drag them along, this Moe gently puts his arms around Joe and Harry, and says, "Come on you silly billies, please?"

    Unfortunately, the episode is filled with racial stereotyping. Due to a small budget, Norman Maurer could only afford a trip to Japan for one. He went, along with Moose the Dog, and took as much 16mm exterior footage as he possibly could. These shots were intercut with footage of the Stooges at both Disneyland and Chinatown (!) Three Asian actors - neither of whom were Japanese - were hired to play all of the Japanese characters that the Stooges bump into.

    At one point, Curly-Joe tries to show off his fluency in the language, resulting in a very unfunny Yiddish-gibberish bit that make the Asian actors turn noticeably red.

    Meanwhile, Sitka spends much of the episode wearing a geisha and white makeup.

    The show ends with Moe, back in his office, telling us that next time, he and the boys will be packing their bags for Afghanistan.

    Offline Paul Pain

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    Re: The Worst Stooge Shorts There Never Were
    « Reply #49 on: April 25, 2017, 06:21:54 PM »
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  • Buddy starts out the film acting like a youthful, joyous Curly, and ends it looking like Steven Hawking.

    I literally died laughing at this line.
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