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Author Topic: #12: Styx  (Read 1804 times)

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Offline shemps#1

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#12: Styx
« on: December 01, 2004, 03:43:33 PM »
(NOTE: Music That Sucks is the correct opinion of the author. If your opinion differs then you are wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG!)

The city of Chicago is not known for it's contributions to rock music, and with good reason. Not only is there a crappy band that named themselves after the Windy City, but an even crappier band that named themselves after the mythical river that seperates Hell from Purgatory hails from the area as well. What at first looked like a dime a dozen harmless crappy rock band that would go nowhere ended up hitting it big; and to this day annoys yours truely when happening upon a song of theirs on a classic rock station. Faithful MTS readers, I give you Styx.

The group formed in the late 1960's as The Tradewinds, with a castrated Dennis DeYoung on vocals/keyboards, Chuck Panozzo on bass, his brother John on drums, and guitarist John Curulewski. As the '60's made way for the '70's, the newly rechristened TW4 added guitarist/vocalist James "JY" Young. In 1972 the group signed with RCA subsidiary Wooden Nickel records, and before releasing their first album made the final name change to Styx. A self-titled debut album in '72, as well as three follow-ups (Styx II  and Serpent Is Rising in '73, Man of Miracles in '74) garnered some support in the midwestern part of the country, but otherwise went nowhere. Late in 1974, a single from Styx II "Lady" caught on wildfire. Listening to the song one can easily tell that DeYoung would be more comfortable singing the entire score of the HMS Pinafore than fronting a so-called rock band. His eunich-like voice pulses through your bowels like tainted meat. "Lady" peaked at #6 on the singles charts, and Styx II reached gold.

Fed up with Wooden Nickel, Styx jumped ship and signed with A&M in 1975. That year they would release another go nowhere album Equinox, and Curulewski would leave the band before the start of a tour. He was replaced by the effeminate looking guitarist Tommy Shaw. In 1976 another barely notable album, Crystal Ball, was released. Although these albums spawned no hit singles to speak of, Styx apparently gained a core following, which would account for the travesty to come.

1977's The Grand Illusion shows Styx at their corporate rock "best". The album went triple platinum thanks to such craptacular hits as the title track, "Fooling Yourself (Angry Young Man)" and "Come Sail Away"; which sounds like a theme song for a gay cruise line. Make no mistake about it, you can smell the Massengil seeping out of this sucky album. Apparently you didn't need to have proverbial balls to be considered "rockin'" or "kick ass" in the late 1970's.

1978's Pieces Of Eight also went platinum three times over, and the group was selling out stadiums all over. Their next album, '79's Cornerstone was another success, thanks mostly the ultra-queifish power ballad "Babe". This f**king song is pure sap and enough to make you want to find that pussy DeYoung and kick his teeth in. No wonder so many people flocked to Punk and Disco during this time period; with s**t like Styx, Journey, and future MTS inductees Foreigner getting passed off as rock.

If you think we're out of the murky water yet I have some horrible news for you. The next album, 1981's Paradise Theater was another money maker, and the groups first #1 album. More s**tty hits came from this album, such as "Too Much Time On My Hands" and "The Best Of Times". All was not well in Sucksylvania however, as tensions began to surface between DeYoung and the rest of the group as Dennis wanted to take the group in a more theatrical direction, thusly creating a mega-gay rock/Broadway hybrid. The group went along with him for the time being and the resulting album was another hit, 1983's Kilroy Was Here. Kilroy told a story about a rock star (Kilroy) in a time when rock was outlawed. It spawned one of the most annoying songs of all time, the ultra-douchy "Mr. Roboto".

The ensuing tour for Kilroy Was Here was an elaborate clusterf**k, which focused on crappy dialog and lengthy films rather than the crappy music. This would eventually (and thankfully) lead to the demise of the band as their mullet-sporting fans would know it. The group would reform in 1990, without Tommy Shaw who was with another s**tty group known as Damn Yankees. That years album Edge of the Century actually spawned the #3 hit "Show Me The Way", but following a tour the band again broke up.

While compiling a greatest hits album for the group, A&M was unable to license "Lady" from RCA, so the group reformed (this time with Shaw but with someone else drumming for John Panozzo) and recorded "Lady '95". Bickering between DeYoung and Shaw forced DeYoung to leave the group and persue a stage career, while Styx is currently signed with the record company that is a haven for washed-up losers, CMC International. You can probably find Styx playing county fairs or church socials in various places in the south and midwest.

There is absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever with this group. The singing, the music, the instument playing, it all blows rhyno balls. Damn you Styx...damn you all to Hell!

Styx, music...that sucks!
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown