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Offline shemps#1

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#5: The Bee Gees
« on: December 01, 2004, 03:33:37 PM »
(Note: Music That Sucks is the correct opinion of the author. Should you find that your opinion differs, please seek professional help.)

If there is one thing you can say about the brothers Gibb, it's that they were smart enough to latch on to whatever hot musical trend came their way. They were by no means creative enough to be trend-setters mind you, but wise enough to suckle at the cash cow's teat before it dried up.

Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb were sons of an English bandleader who forced them to perform at a young age. They used such names as The Rattlesnakes and Wee Johnny Hayes and the Bluecats before finally settling on The Bee Gees. They signed with Festival Records (Australia) in 1962, releasing a dozen singles and two albums within a five year span. Even at this young age they sported their high harmonies. Early reports about the Gibbs getting their testicles squeezed in a vice to achieve these girlishly highly notes have not been confirmed. The Gibbs also wrote their own material, rare for an early 60's band; it's too bad that this "material" sucked dingleberries off of ass hairs.

They even hosted a weekly tv show in Australia, but their records collected dust in the bargain bin and all was right with the world. This was until 1967 and their first number one album "Spicks and Specks" (rumors that this was an anti-immigration statement from the Gibbs were quickly put to rest when someone realized they are not American, and the hispanic populations of Australia and the UK were almost nil).

They hooked up with manager Robert Stigwood (then employed by Beatles manager Brian Epstein's NEMS Enterprises) and set out to conquer the US and UK with Vienna Boy's Choirish sound and s**tty songs. Their first hit in the States was "New York Mining Disaster 1941", which made it to #14 on the charts. A mass of other minor hits followed, the most noteworthy being "Massachusetts" (#11), "I've Got To Get A Message To You" (#8) and the suicidally brutal "I Started A Joke", which reached #6 in 1969. The joke had started alright, a cruel joke on anyone with good taste.

Heading into the 70's, the group (which had previously added a couple of non-related members) broke up. This was all a ruse, for as all was starting to become right with the world once again, and it seemed like an annoying falsetto trio with a few mild hits was dead and buried, they reunited briefly for a pair of hits that would become their biggest to that point. 1970's "Lonely Days" made it to #3, while '71's "How Do You Mend A Broken Heart" gave the trio their first #1 single. Soon the crotchless-Beatles bit had worn thin, and from '71-'75 it was nothing but flops for the bros. Limey.

Manager Stigwood hired producer Arif Marden to steer the group to more of a R&B sound in 1976. The album was Main Course (#14 on the charts in '76), and was powered by the hits "Nights on Broadway" (#7) and their second #1 "Jive Talkin'". This new sound enabled The Bee Gees to latch on to their second major trend: Disco.

Unfortunately, no one has apologized for Disco, even after almost 30 years. While most Disco "artists" couldn't play an instrument or write a song the Bee Gees were quite the contrary. In fact I am going to make this a MTS first, I am going to compliment an inductees music. Well sort of...actually it is a back-handed compliment: The Bee Gees were the best of all the Disco groups. This includes groups that primarily did Disco, and rockers who jumped on the bandwagon. If I were forced at gunpoint to listen to one Disco album of my choosing it would the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever. Hey, that just reeks of a seque!

Yes folks, after a change of record labels and producers, the Bee Gees scored a couple hit singles in '76; "You Should Be Dancing" (#1) and "Love So Right" (#3) before bringing us the highest selling movie soundtrack in history. Powered by the success of the film (which is quite good if you get past the Disco) and mega chart-topping singles "Stayin' Alive", "Night Fever", and "How Deep Is Your Love", the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack sold 30 million copies worldwide and helped spread Disco to the masses faster than a scat-eating video on Kazaa.

With all the compliments about the Bee Gees being the best Disco had to offer out of the way I have to say this: that doesn't say much. Disco is barely music, and if it weren't for the 80's would be worst form of pop music ever. If you don't do so already, AVOID DISCO AT ALL COSTS! That is, unless you like having blood come out of your ears and anus. They rioted at Comiskey Park for a reason people!

After Saturday Night Fever, manager Robert Stigwood had a brainfart and decided to make The Bee Gees stars of their own film. This would not be just any other film mind you, but a film based on the Beatles album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Yes kids, a movie based on a music album. This wasn't the first time that this was done. The Who's Tommy came out on the big screen before Sgt. Pepper, and was also produced by Stigwood, but apparently he didn't learn from his previous mistake.

If you are a fan of pure cinematic dung, than I plead with you to see Sgt. Pepper if you haven't done so already. The Bee Gees, Peter Frampton, Arrowsmith, and George Burns among others take turns at butchering Beatles hits. You read that right, listening to George Burns sing "Fixing A Hole" is one of the most surreal events of my lifetime. This film is an explosion of diareah from beginning to end. Naturally it bombed at the box office.

As for the Bee Gees, they never really recovered from the Sgt. Pepper fiasco, or the death of Disco. The soundtrack for the Sylvester Stallone directed sequel to Saturday Night Fever, Stayin' Alive, reached #6 on the album charts, and pretty much everything they attempted afterwards bombed. They would file a $200 million lawsuit against Stigwood, which was settled out of court. A few mild charters in the 80's, but the dream was over for the Gibb's, and the nightmare was over for sane people all over. Maurice Gibb died on 1/12/03, and the Bee Gees name was retired shortly thereafter.

All in all, probably the best of the groups I have covered so far; but I've said before and I'll repeat myself, that's not saying much. Not much at all.

The Bee Gees; music...that sucks.
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown

Offline vomit

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2009, 11:18:38 PM »
(Note: Music That Sucks is the correct opinion of the author. Should you find that your opinion differs, please seek professional help.)

If there is one thing you can say about the brothers Gibb, it's that they were smart enough to latch on to whatever hot musical trend came their way. They were by no means creative enough to be trend-setters mind you, but wise enough to suckle at the cash cow's teat before it dried up.

Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb were sons of an English bandleader who forced them to perform at a young age. They used such names as The Rattlesnakes and Wee Johnny Hayes and the Bluecats before finally settling on The Bee Gees. They signed with Festival Records (Australia) in 1962, releasing a dozen singles and two albums within a five year span. Even at this young age they sported their high harmonies. Early reports about the Gibbs getting their testicles squeezed in a vice to achieve these girlishly highly notes have not been confirmed. The Gibbs also wrote their own material, rare for an early 60's band; it's too bad that this "material" sucked dingleberries off of ass hairs.

They even hosted a weekly tv show in Australia, but their records collected dust in the bargain bin and all was right with the world. This was until 1967 and their first number one album "Spicks and Specks" (rumors that this was an anti-immigration statement from the Gibbs were quickly put to rest when someone realized they are not American, and the hispanic populations of Australia and the UK were almost nil).

They hooked up with manager Robert Stigwood (then employed by Beatles manager Brian Epstein's NEMS Enterprises) and set out to conquer the US and UK with Vienna Boy's Choirish sound and s**tty songs. Their first hit in the States was "New York Mining Disaster 1941", which made it to #14 on the charts. A mass of other minor hits followed, the most noteworthy being "Massachusetts" (#11), "I've Got To Get A Message To You" (#8) and the suicidally brutal "I Started A Joke", which reached #6 in 1969. The joke had started alright, a cruel joke on anyone with good taste.

Heading into the 70's, the group (which had previously added a couple of non-related members) broke up. This was all a ruse, for as all was starting to become right with the world once again, and it seemed like an annoying falsetto trio with a few mild hits was dead and buried, they reunited briefly for a pair of hits that would become their biggest to that point. 1970's "Lonely Days" made it to #3, while '71's "How Do You Mend A Broken Heart" gave the trio their first #1 single. Soon the crotchless-Beatles bit had worn thin, and from '71-'75 it was nothing but flops for the bros. Limey.

Manager Stigwood hired producer Arif Marden to steer the group to more of a R&B sound in 1976. The album was Main Course (#14 on the charts in '76), and was powered by the hits "Nights on Broadway" (#7) and their second #1 "Jive Talkin'". This new sound enabled The Bee Gees to latch on to their second major trend: Disco.

Unfortunately, no one has apologized for Disco, even after almost 30 years. While most Disco "artists" couldn't play an instrument or write a song the Bee Gees were quite the contrary. In fact I am going to make this a MTS first, I am going to compliment an inductees music. Well sort of...actually it is a back-handed compliment: The Bee Gees were the best of all the Disco groups. This includes groups that primarily did Disco, and rockers who jumped on the bandwagon. If I were forced at gunpoint to listen to one Disco album of my choosing it would the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever. Hey, that just reeks of a seque!

Yes folks, after a change of record labels and producers, the Bee Gees scored a couple hit singles in '76; "You Should Be Dancing" (#1) and "Love So Right" (#3) before bringing us the highest selling movie soundtrack in history. Powered by the success of the film (which is quite good if you get past the Disco) and mega chart-topping singles "Stayin' Alive", "Night Fever", and "How Deep Is Your Love", the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack sold 30 million copies worldwide and helped spread Disco to the masses faster than a scat-eating video on Kazaa.

With all the compliments about the Bee Gees being the best Disco had to offer out of the way I have to say this: that doesn't say much. Disco is barely music, and if it weren't for the 80's would be worst form of pop music ever. If you don't do so already, AVOID DISCO AT ALL COSTS! That is, unless you like having blood come out of your ears and anus. They rioted at Comiskey Park for a reason people!

After Saturday Night Fever, manager Robert Stigwood had a brainfart and decided to make The Bee Gees stars of their own film. This would not be just any other film mind you, but a film based on the Beatles album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Yes kids, a movie based on a music album. This wasn't the first time that this was done. The Who's Tommy came out on the big screen before Sgt. Pepper, and was also produced by Stigwood, but apparently he didn't learn from his previous mistake.

If you are a fan of pure cinematic dung, than I plead with you to see Sgt. Pepper if you haven't done so already. The Bee Gees, Peter Frampton, Arrowsmith, and George Burns among others take turns at butchering Beatles hits. You read that right, listening to George Burns sing "Fixing A Hole" is one of the most surreal events of my lifetime. This film is an explosion of diareah from beginning to end. Naturally it bombed at the box office.

As for the Bee Gees, they never really recovered from the Sgt. Pepper fiasco, or the death of Disco. The soundtrack for the Sylvester Stallone directed sequel to Saturday Night Fever, Stayin' Alive, reached #6 on the album charts, and pretty much everything they attempted afterwards bombed. They would file a $200 million lawsuit against Stigwood, which was settled out of court. A few mild charters in the 80's, but the dream was over for the Gibb's, and the nightmare was over for sane people all over. Maurice Gibb died on 1/12/03, and the Bee Gees name was retired shortly thereafter.

All in all, probably the best of the groups I have covered so far; but I've said before and I'll repeat myself, that's not saying much. Not much at all.

The Bee Gees; music...that sucks.

The Bee Gees don't suck........oh wait a minute they do!  Badly!
Specto Caelum!

Offline Boid Brain

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2010, 01:37:29 AM »
Funny....but you are mistaken on a few points, Shemps: The BeeGees were PROLIFIC song writers...they sold more songs to other artist's than you can believe, and to this day they have sold more records than any other English group in history (Duran Duran is right on their ass)

Sure, they were a falsetto group, but so was Smokey Robinson....their 3 part harmony was beatific....sure, I could do without the big hair, but as far a music goes, they were a fucking amazing group...you gotta go  back to the Everly Bros to get better harmony.

In my book it's the Beatles, the BeeGees and the Rolling Stones,  in that order. (The Clash had a chance, but fucked it up!)

Offline shemps#1

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2010, 01:29:45 PM »
The Beatles have sold more records than anyone else in the world, including the Bee Gees, so the Bee Gees cannot be the highest selling British group of all time. The Bee Gees land somewhere in the 220 million range while the Beatles are somewhere in the 1.6 billion ("with a b").
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown

Offline metaldams

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2010, 01:45:13 PM »
You can even argue that the Bee Gees aren't even a British group, but Australian.  They were born in England but grew up in Australia, just like AC/DC.

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2010, 01:58:52 PM »
According to wikipedia, the Bee Gees would be the 9th best selling artist of all-time. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_best-selling_music_artists

Offline shemps#1

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #6 on: December 15, 2010, 03:40:02 PM »
I should note that with all of the online sources that I checked the only thing they really agree on is that the Beatles are the number one selling band of all time and Elvis is the top selling solo artist. Some have Elvis selling more worldwide and some have Beatles selling more. Averaging them all out the Beatles have a slight edge, which is quite astounding considering they were nowhere near as prolific.

I think I have said it before but the Bee Gees are a skeleton in my closet. I do enjoy their music but I am under no impression that they are even close to the level of rock greats like the Beatles and I can definitely understand people taking a shit on them (which is why I inducted them).
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown

Offline metaldams

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #7 on: December 15, 2010, 04:04:05 PM »
I'm only familiar with the disco era, so I can't really comment on the early stuff, which some people say good things about.  That said, I'm not a disco fan at all, nor a Saturday Night Fever guy.

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2010, 05:03:01 PM »
I'm only familiar with the disco era, so I can't really comment on the early stuff, which some people say good things about.  That said, I'm not a disco fan at all, nor a Saturday Night Fever guy.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          The early stuff was OK, nothing to write home about though. I never got into the Disco crap.
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Offline Boid Brain

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Re: #5: The Bee Gees
« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2010, 01:33:12 AM »
The disco craze hit this country in the face almost as hard as the British invasion did in the 60's...Everybody, well damn near everybody put out a Disco song to keep up with the trend. Barbra Stiesand comes to mind. There were many, many others.

The BeeGees had slipped since their late 60's sucess, and that Sat. Nite Fever thing brought them back with a vengence. Too bad they did that Pepper movie. As Shemps said, it was god-awful! One of a very few movies that I paid good money to see and walk out on.

All this talk about the Beatles and Elvis...I believe Bing Crosby is way up there too. I know that he leads in most #1 singles. Of course, he had a 50 years career to do it in. Still...