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Offline Bruckman

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Memories of Third Grade
« on: August 21, 2006, 01:39:38 PM »
Took some searching but finally I found it - one of my favorite Slipp threads, where an innocuous query about song lyrics elicits from Slipp the most crushingly painful childhood memories. I've edited this a little for space (it's long) but what I cut were merely replies to the main subject, not responses to Slipp. This has many of my favorite moments - the god incident, the cardboard box incident, Slipp breaking into "What would you do for a Klondike bar" in mid-argument, and Nosehonk's interjection "Porn is wondeful!"


"What song lyrics are special to you? "

Author Slick Chick Posted - 24 November 2001 17:11
------------------------------------------------------
That's a question my English teacher asked us a
couple of weeks ago, to get to know us better.
-Mine are the lyrics to "A Hazy Shade of Winter" by
Simon and Garfunkel. That's because I want to be a
pianist/singer (why? Because I love it and I'm good
at it! Besides I'm good at math/finances/science but
I hate it!) but my dad wants me to become a doctor
and run his corporation, something that I'd hate for
the rest of my life. (That from the same guy who said
I couldn't be a comedian because I'm a girl. Hasn't
he ever heard of Lucille Ball???)
Edited by - Slick Chick on 11/24/2001 5:12:31 PM

ISLIPP Posted - 25 November 2001 0:4
------------------------------------------------------
Being a Simon & Garfunkel fan, I'm ashamed to admit
that if I've ever heard "A Hazy Shade of Winter" I'v
forgotten it. Is this the same song that the Bangles
did back in the 1980's?
Lyrics that are special to ME? Woah, that's a TOUGH
one. There's so many! Elminating religious song
lyrics for the sake of a little promise I made on
this forum awhile back, it's STILL a tough choice.
I'm a huge fan of music AND lyrics, and one can
definitey affect the mood of the other. It's also
worth considering what you mean by "lyrics are
special to you". In what way? In the way that they
inspire me somehow? In the way that I can relate to
them? This topic can get REALLY deep if you think
about it- probably too deep even for an internet fan
forum. So this is a question I may never be able to
answer, but it would be fun to think about.
ISLIPP-©2001
Edited by - ISLIPP on 11/25/2001 12:11:05 AM

Slick Chick Posted - 25 November 2001 0:16
------------------------------------------------------
Let's put it this way, What lyrics have affected your
life. Also, What lyrics mean the most to you? You can
have more than one response for this.
The lyrics to "A Hazy Shade of Winter" are at:
http://lyrics.lipetsk.ru/search.php3?song_id=68369
hassan-ben-sober Posted - 25 November 2001 0:17
------------------------------------------------------
"Why stand on a silent platform, fight the war, f**k
the norm." -RATM I like it because its telling people
to express themselves, dont be another silent face in
the crowd be an individual and speak out for what you
belive in; very inspirational to me.
ive had a few to many myself
ShempShady Posted - 25 November 2001 0:27
------------------------------------------------------
'Look around:
Leaves are brown,
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter.'
That's one of the most kickin' S&G tunes ever!
For me, the Beatles corpus (esp. the John Lennon
stuff), and Dylan up until the early '70s.
--Yours in Shempitude and in Shadiness.
Edited by - ShempShady on 11/25/2001 12:49:12 AM

sickdrjoe Posted - 25 November 2001 0:42
------------------------------------------------------
Hassan, I'm beginning to think we've finally found
the Nader voter on this forum! (I assume the Field
Marshal was responsible for the write-in vote for
General Ambrose Burnside.)

metaldams Posted - 25 November 2001 2:48
------------------------------------------------------
- "In this world we're living in we have our share of
sorrow. Answer now is don't give in, aim for a new
tomorrow." - Judas Priest, "You've Got Another Thing
Coming"
- "It can take forever, and ever, and ever, but I'll
still win." - Judas Priest, "Beyond The Realms Of
Death"
"Don't waste your time always searching for those
wasted years. Face up, make your stand and realize
you're living in the golden years." - Iron Maiden,
"Wasted Years"
"Nowhere man, please listen. You don't know what
you're missing. Nowhere man, the world is at your
command." - The Beatles, "Nowhere Man"
"Forget you're blood and bone. Stand like you're made
of stone." - Motorhead, "Stand"
"Justice and liberty, you can buy, but you don't get
free. In a world of steel and glass, we bury our
past." - Bruce Dickinson, "Born In '58"
"Dream on, dream until your dreams come true." -
Aerosmith, "Dream On"
"Give it all and ask for no return and very soon
you'll see and you'll begin to learn that it's
alright." - Black Sabbath, "It's Alright"
"Take a sad song and make it better" and "The
movement you need is on your shoulders." - The
Beatles, "Hey Jude"
"Honesty is my only excuse. Try to rob us of it but
it's no use." - Metallica, "Damage, Inc."
"I'm sowing the seeds I take for granted." -
Metallica, "Bleeding Me"
"Time has a way of taking time. Lonliness is not only
felt by fools." - Megadeth, "In My Darkest Hour"
"When a man lies, he murders some part of the world."
- Metallica, "To Live Is To Die"
"Minutes and seconds are passing us by." and "Time,
time, time, is always passing by. Doesn't matter
where you are, time is passing us by." - Mercyful
Fate, "Time"
"Let it be. Slow down. Watch the pressure fall. Bring
me peace. Slow down. I can't have it, I can't have it
all." - Halford, "Slow Down"
and finally.....
"Brains for dinner. Brains for lunch. Brains for
breakfast, brains for brunch. Brains at every single
meal why can't we have some guts?" - Misfits,
"Braineaters"
What are YOU looking at?
Edited by - metaldams on 11/25/2001 2:59:00 AM

bruckman Posted - 25 November 2001 3:13
------------------------------------------------------
Interesting quotes Metaldams. Makes me think I've
lost out not familiarizing myself with soem of these
bands. My experience with Motorhead and Metallica is
pretty much limited to the odd times I've bummed
rides while treeplanting (and why is it the guys in
camp who listen to Motorhead will always give you a
ride?)
My pick: anything from Dylan's "subterranean homesick
blues" or (since we're on S&G) "The Boxer"
es[pecially the "going home" verse, which always came
to my mind on long road trips journeying homeward
from western canada to the family back in
Massachusetts when I was younger.

sickdrjoe Posted - 25 November 2001 3:30
------------------------------------------------------
Hey...this sounds like fun!
"I can hear your tales and lies
You say I'm dumb and shaggy
But, man, this dumb-and-shaggy
Is your daughter's baby's daddy
She's a lucky daughter
Such a lucky daughter
Why did I always get them kinda girls I shouldn't
oughta get?
Now I got what I've always fought for
Cos I married a rich man's daughter."
-Deep Purple, ANYONE'S DAUGHTER
and while I'm at it:
"Pearl necklace on my baby's neck
Got some on her face, too - what the heck
Oh my God I got it everywhere
She just combs it through, swears it's good for the
hair."
-Skrapp Mettle, PEARL NECKLACE

NoseHonk Posted - 25 November 2001 6:4
------------------------------------------------------
A few of my quotes:
"Battle Lines are bein' drawn, and nobody's right, if
everybody's wrong."
-Buffalo Springfield, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
"The only person talkin' 'bout love thy brother is
the preacher, and it seems, nobody interested in
learnin'...but the teacher"
-The Temptations, BALL OF CONFUSION (THAT'S WHAT THE
WORLD IS TODAY)
"Talkin' bout savin souls, and all the time weeping.
Dealing the drugs...And stealing in the name of the
lord."
-The Temptations, PAPA WAS A ROLLING STONE
"I brought all this so you can survive, when law is
lawless. Fearless sensations that you thought was
dead, no squealing and remember: (whispered) That
it's all in your head..."
Gorillaz, Clint Eastwood

ISLIPP Posted - 25 November 2001 10:11
------------------------------------------------------
That Crosby, Stills and Nash song "Teach your
children" or whatever it's called.
Gloria Gaynor- "I Will Survive".
Pink Floyd- "Another Brick in the Wall". These lyrics
aren't special to me now, but when I was in 3rd
grade, my teacher seemed to either hate me or just
enjoy torturing me- physicaly and emotionally. I was
fed up with him, and education in general because of
it. One day, when we had recess in the gym due to
rain, he made me run laps all through the recess. I
was NOT (and I'm still not) a good runner. I got
tired FAST and slowed down. He just kept telling me
to keep running. Pretty soon, I stopped and threw up
and started feeling like I had the flu. I got up and
kept going until I got to the teacher. I told him
about the mess I made and how I felt, but he made me
clean it up and STILL wanted me to keep running
afterwards. Whatta jerk! My mom sure told him off for
that.
One thing he did- I was in a class where all the kids
were completely grossed out by burping and it made
them angry, if you can believe that. One day, in the
cafeteria, I felt a big one coming. Since I've only
heard people burping with their mouths open I thought
I could silence my burp by keeping my mouth closed.
No dice. The kid next to me was grossed out and angry
so he went and told the teacher. That teacher made me
sit by him in the cafeteria for the rest of the year!
Again- how embarrassing! I hoped no one thought that
I just liked the guy so much that it was a pleasure
for me to sit by him!

One day, just because I did a dog imitation, he put a rope
around my neck and made me get down on all fours. He walked
me outside, where everbody that was playg could see. How
embarassing! I wanted to either bite him on the leg or pee
on it, thinking, if he wants me to be a dog, I'LL REALLY be
a dog! I didn't really pee on him or bite him, but those
thoughts made me feel a little better.>>>

ISLIPP-©2001
Edited by - ISLIPP on 4/7/2002 3:58:47 AM

hassan-ben-sober Posted - 25 November 2001 11:5
------------------------------------------------------
I love that Gorillaz album it so so funny and great
especially Clint Eastwood, 19-2000 the whole CD is
really good
ive had a few to many myself

jamison Posted - 25 November 2001 12:16
------------------------------------------------------
Gee, that teacher-dog training vignette was quite,
uh, er, hmmmm, DIFFERENT? (oh, where's my thesaurus?)
But back to the subject:
I like lyrics by the old masters. Gimme Johnny
Mercer, Cole Porter, Richard Whiting, Lorenz Hart,
etc. I like wordplay and internal rhymes, (MIDNIGHT
SUN, THOU SWELL, ONE FOR MY BABY) but truth be told,
I'm a sucker for old-time romanticism and sentiment.
(read: Oscar Hammerstein II)
One dream in my heart/one love to be living for/one
life to be living for/this nearly was
mine.

jamison Posted - 25 November 2001 12:17
------------------------------------------------------
Gee, that teacher-dog training vignette was quite,
uh, er, hmmmm, DIFFERENT? (oh, where's my thesaurus?)
But back to the subject:
I like lyrics by the old masters. Gimme Johnny
Mercer, Cole Porter, Richard Whiting, Lorenz Hart,
etc. I like wordplay and internal rhymes, (MIDNIGHT
SUN, THOU SWELL, ONE FOR MY BABY) but truth be told,
I'm a sucker for old-time romanticism and sentiment.
(read: Oscar Hammerstein II)
One dream in my heart/one love to be living for/one
life to be living for/this nearly was
mine.

sickdrjoe Posted - 25 November 2001 12:24
------------------------------------------------------
OH MY GOD...I never thought I'd win THIS easy! I'm
sorry, but anybody who, time and again, offers up
these shuddery details from his troubled youth on a
Stooge board is simply bending over & asking for it.
Fetch the stick, boy!
IBARK...at passing cars!

jamison Posted - 25 November 2001 12:46
------------------------------------------------------
(sound of choked hysteria)
PAGE 2

jamison Posted - 25 November 2001 13:18
-----------------------------------------------------------
Slipp, be glad you went to a fairly enlightened school
system; see, when I was in school (Jurassic Age), the
Pittsburgh public system had corporal punishment. Teachers
used
paddles (the big fraternity type, with air holes),
yardsticks and blackboard pointers. They weren't allowed
to use their hands. If I
remember correctly, there were a maximum of 10 swats for
boys, 8 for girls. A math teacher once swatted me 11 or 12
times and several girls ran to the principal's office. The
principal chastised him for "going overboard." At times,
you could also be locked for a whole period in the
book/supply closet for various infractions. This finally
ended sometime in the early 70's. On Nov. 22, 1963, I and
maybe 3 others had assumed the position at my homeroom
teacher's desk as she readied her airhole-filled paddle.
The principal suddenly came on the intercom telling
various grades to go the library, the gym, etc., and turn
on the televisions. We thanked heaven for the reprieve,
little knowing what we were about to find out...

ShempShady Posted - 25 November 2001 13:55
-----------------------------------------------------------
This all reminds me: Why is the Zeppelin song called
'Black Dog' if there's no mention of dogs anywhere in the
lyrics?

Klasseek lines from 'Subterranean': "The man in the
coonskin cap in the pig pen wants eleven dollar billsÑyou
only got ten." "Don't follow leaders. Watch the parking
meters."

But nothing takes the cake like 'Bob Dylan's 115th Dream.'

--Yours in Shempitude and in Shadiness.

Edited by - ShempShady on 11/25/2001 1:55:46 PM

Slick Chick Posted - 25 November 2001 14:2
-----------------------------------------------------------
My mom told me a while back that she was in seventh grade
on Nov.22, 1963. She went to a small school in Missouri,
so there were no tv's in the school. She remembered that
the pa went on and told them the news. The news really
shocked my mom considering that she and her favorite
sister (who had unfortunately commited suicide in 1974)
made campain posters for the president, strange in an
all-Republican small town.

Other song-lyrics are:
The Long and Winding Road -Beatles

Let It Be -Beatles, besides it involving religion (no
comments, people)

Bridge Over Troubled Waters -Simon and Garfunkel

and others...

ShempShady Posted - 25 November 2001 14:35
-----------------------------------------------------------
<<<At times, you could also be locked for a whole period
in the book/supply closet for various infractions.>>>

When I was in school, I wasn't very good in fractions.

[I'd likely get eyepoked by Moe for that.]

Slick Chick: 'Let It Be' wasn't intended to have any
religious overtones. The 'Mother Mary' that Paul refers to
is his own mother, who died when he was a young teen.
Allegedly, one time, when things were not going all that
well with the Beatles, Paul had a dream about his 'mum,'
which he found very comforting. The dream then served him
as a source of strength and inspiration (especially for a
certain song).

What's in YOUR wallet?

sickdrjoe Posted - 25 November 2001 14:44
-----------------------------------------------------------
How about that Rufus Thomas soul classic
WALKIN' THE DOG?

Now THERE's a popular ditty that really SPEAKS to me all
of a sudden. That and BORN TO RUN...

ISLIPP Posted - 25 November 2001 14:50
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jamison- that same teacher used a paddle too. I don't
think it had air holes though. I also was punished in my
first grade year by being placed in a huge cardboard box
that a refridgerator was shipped in. At least I got to sit
at my desk in there. When my third grade teacher caught
wind of this, he made up a stupid limerick to make fun of
me. I won't go into details about it, but the limerick
made mention of how I was so well-known for wearing
different colored socks (among other things). Since then,
I've always worn matching socks.

Sickdrjoe- Be careful. I can always use your childhood cat
incident against you.

ISLIPP-©2001

jamison Posted - 25 November 2001 14:51
-----------------------------------------------------------
Enough about about punishment and Nov. 22. Back to the
subject. My favorite wordplay songs include:
IN THE MORNING, NO
TO KEEP MY LOVE ALIVE
LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF
I'VE COME TO WIVE IT WEALTHILY
TOGETHER, WHEREVER WE GO
GEE, OFFICER KRUPKE
SIDE BY SIDE BY SIDE/WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT
YOU (from "Company")
THE MONEY SONG (from the stage version of "Cabaret," not
the one in the film)
I AM THE WALRUS
HOW CAN LOVE SURVIVE?

ShempShady Posted - 25 November 2001 15:16
-----------------------------------------------------------
'I Am the Walrus': a garbled bit of inspired nonsense,
written by John when he heard that back at his old school,
they were analyzing the lyrics to his songs for their
'deeper meaning.' Walrus was thus penned as a 'let them
stick this one in their pipes and smoke it' sort of
response.

The Rutles' parody of 'Walrus,' 'Piggy in the Middle,' is
classic. The opening line:

"I know you know what you know, but you should know right
now that you're not me."

The chorus:
"Hey diddle diddle! (Woo!)
The cat and the fiddle! (Woo!)
Piggy in the middle! (Woo!)
Do a pooh pooh!"

sickdrjoe Posted - 25 November 2001 15:29
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jamison, don't forget Rodgers & Hart's I WISH I WERE IN
LOVE AGAIN. Brilliant, deft lyrics. "When love congeals,
it soon reveals the faint aroma of performing seals..."

Slipp: I'm drawing a blank on any 'cat incident'. But I'm
pretty sure they didn't involve me being publicly walked
on a leash or being placed, under adult supervision, in a
corrugated cardboard box.

ShempShady Posted - 25 November 2001 15:37
-----------------------------------------------------------
That was 'SuperStooge' talkin', doc. he was able to
divine, sight unseen, that you had an unfortunate
childhood incident involving a feline.

"There once was a poster named SLIPP...

What's in YOUR wallet?

jamison Posted - 25 November 2001 15:40
-----------------------------------------------------------
You're right, SDJ, and that's one of my favorite tunes.
But sometimes I gotta cut my missives short when a
supervisor-type is in the vicinity. I'm supposed to be
dealing with an article on new Intel products, not reading
about a guy being walked on a leash. Then again, the guy
who sits across the aisle might like that...

ISLIPP Posted - 25 November 2001 15:53
-----------------------------------------------------------
As Superstooge: Actually, it's a little hazy. It may have
only been cat-LIKE- and stuffed.

ISLIPP-©2001

Slick Chick Posted - 25 November 2001 16:8
-----------------------------------------------------------
Thanks, SS, about the Let It Be comment. I'm glad to know
that.

sickdrjoe Posted - 25 November 2001 16:15
-----------------------------------------------------------
Slipp: you RULE, man. You ALWAYS have an alibi handy, eh?
You misspoke; you left off a digit; you remembered it
wrong; it wasn't you, it was the typo; or my favorite,
I-meant-it-jokingly.

YOU GOT WALKED LIKE A DOG IN PUBLIC, bro. You got
Woodhoused, and by an adult in whose care you were placed.
That's so funny for so MANY reasons.

So how long did it take before you learned to go on the
newspaper?

metaldams Posted - 25 November 2001 1643
-----------------------------------------------------------
I'll never look at cardboard the same again.

What are YOU looking at?

PAGE 3

sickdrjoe Posted - 25 November 2001 17:42
------------------------------------------------------
Let's see...how did that limerick go?

A boy who wore mismatching socks
Spent the first grade inside of a box
I walked him like Lassie
Then, cause it seemed classy
I had him chase after a fox

hassan-ben-sober Posted - 25 November 2001 18:15
------------------------------------------------------
"It has to start somewhere, it has to start sometime.
What better place than here. what better time than
now. All hell cant stop us now."-RATM

"In the name of love"-U2

"Nobody's Real"-PM5000

Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof I bark there for
ISLIPP hehe sorry I had to throw in a jab

ive had a few to many myself

NoseHonk Posted - 25 November 2001 19:2
------------------------------------------------------
Sh*t SLIPP. I would've peed on the guys leg. Hell, he
deserved it.

I had a similar thing happen to me in 2nd grade, but
the teacher, who was an unholy sexist b*tch, was
unaware that I was mocking her behind her back. Good
stuff.

Hassan: I too LOVE the Gorillaz album. I'm ALWAYS
jammin' it in my truck. Have you heard the hidden
track yet? It's a pretty sweet reggae remix of Clint
Eastwood.

ShempShady Posted - 25 November 2001 20:57
------------------------------------------------------
Great limerick, doc! Now them's lyrics I can bang my
head to.
ISLIPP Posted - 26 November 2001 5:0
------------------------------------------------------
That's quite a limerick from someone who's struggling
as Burger King's new drive-thru attendant.

ISLIPP-©2001

Edited by - ISLIPP on 11/26/2001 6:03:16 AM

sickdrjoe Posted - 26 November 2001 11:23
------------------------------------------------------
There's a rumor making the rounds that there IS, in
actuality, no "ISLIPP". That nobody could be that
much of a perfect, clueless fool - that "ISLIPP" is
an invention created by some dope-smoking teaching
adjunct at a community college as a brilliant satire
of Bible-thumping, family-values middle-America at
its thickest and most complacent.

Fact, it's easier to prove you're a fictional
character than it is to convince someone that such a
unsettling mix of Candide, Dondi & The Beaver
actually is out there walking aroud somewhere. I
think the 'human dog' anecdote might've been the last
straw. Who could believe that it happened, firstly,
or that you'd cheerfully tell total strangers such a
humiliating 'memory' if it DID? It would stretch
credibility as a Bob Denver childhood flashback from
GILLIGAN'S ISLAND!

You're quickly becoming a boogeyman mothers use to
scare their children into behaving. "Be quiet or I'll
put a leash on you and walk you like Slipp!"; "Young
man, do you want to live in a refrigerator box like
Slipp? Then play nice!", etc, etc, like that.

So fess up! Who are you really, and what issue of the
NATIONAL LAMPOON is this parody going to run in?

Gimmi Legs Posted - 26 November 2001 13:12
------------------------------------------------------
I come to look for AMERICA- America, SIMON AND
GARFUNKEL

Tramps like us, Baby we were born to run- BORN TO
RUN- Bruce Springsteen

A smile relieves a heart the grieves- WATING ON A
FREIND- ROlling Stones

Time waits for no one, and it wont wait for me- TIME
WAITS FOR NO ONE- ROLLING STONES

Gimmi Legs Posted - 26 November 2001 13:16
------------------------------------------------------
Rain on the scarecrow, Blood on the plow, this land
that fed a nation, this land that made me proud. Son
I am sorry theres no legacy for you now,,SCARECROW-
JOhn Mellencamp

The real song about helping others , forget WE ARE
THE WORLD, lets remember OUR FARMERS first and F*%$
other counttries to we establish solving out problems
first

ISLIPP Posted - 26 November 2001 15:4
------------------------------------------------------
Fictional? Why, I'm as real as that pile of rubble
that used to be your "office", sickdrjoe. No go put
on your headphones and your little hat so you can
keep asking people, "Would you like fries with that?"

ISLIPP-¨2001

NoseHonk Posted - 26 November 2001 15:20
------------------------------------------------------
Gentlemen, before you go at it again, C3 needs you to
sign this Pay Per View contract.

There's a profit to be had!

jamison Posted - 26 November 2001 16:26
------------------------------------------------------
As a former Wendy's drive-thru attendant (Negley
Avenue branch, Pittsburgh, circa 1973), I take
exception to the notion that attendants are
less-than-worthy. I proudly wore the yellow-and-red
and I stand at attention anytime I hear an
indecipherable intercom message...

sickdrjoe Posted - 26 November 2001 16:45
------------------------------------------------------
Notice how the only 'job' that Slipp can manage to
think of is food-service. Makes you wonder.

SIT, UBU, SIT!

Edited by - sickdrjoe on 11/26/2001 4:47:23 PM

Afa Dollah Posted - 26 November 2001 17:15
------------------------------------------------------
Nanook, no no.
Don't be a naughty Eskimo.
Watch out where the huskies go,
And don't you eat that yellow snow.

I poked and I stroked 'til my wrist got numb,
But I still didn't hear no Dinah Mo Hum.

Is that a Mexican poncho?
I mean, is that a REAL poncho
Or is that a Sears poncho?

ISLIPP Posted - 26 November 2001 17:31
------------------------------------------------------
The only job I can think of? Buddy, it's the only job
you can get! Interviewers for better-paying jobs take
one look at that porno-mag job mentioned on your
resume and they say "I'll call you if we need you."
You know they never do. By the way, I'll bet your
parents were shocked when you got that magazine job
instead of something respectable. I know you were
only in sales, but geez, what about MAD or Popular
Mechanics?

ISLIPP-¨2001
Edited by - ISLIPP on 11/26/2001 5:32:16 PM

PAGE 4

sickdrjoe Posted - 26 November 2001 18:38
-----------------------------------------------------------
Slipp, I'm really really sorry you got 'walked'. Why your
folks didn't sue that school is a mystery. But by the
hysterical tone of your counter attacks, I sense even YOU
realize this may have been going to the well of
Information Nobody Needed To Know ONCE too often.

May I remind you that you VOLUNTEERED this story? As
usual...in the middle of a thread about favorite songs,
for Gawd's sake!...you felt the need to serve up yet
another disturbingly bizarre anecdote from your
car-accident of a childhood. What did you EXPECT?

I mean, here I am reading why so-and-so loves "Stairway To
Heaven" or "Angie" when suddenly it's, "My teacher once
put a leash on me and walked me like a schnauzer in the
middle of Main Street". HELL-O???

STOP VOLUNTEERING THIS STUFF. Then, no one can snicker at
you, cos they won't know. Got it now?

Edited by - sickdrjoe on 11/26/2001 6:40:18 PM

metaldams Posted - 26 November 2001 18:53
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why would people not hire sickdrjoe because he worked in
the porn industry? Sorry SLIPP, that doesn't make sense.

What are YOU looking at?

jamison Posted - 26 November 2001 18:59
-----------------------------------------------------------
Other memorable songs/lyrics:
TILL THERE WAS YOU (from "The Music Man")
THE BUTCHER BOY SONG (hey, Marie, you wanna
fruitcake?/Hey, Marie, you wanna cheesecake?)
ALONG COMES MARY (sing this one after having imbibed)
BORN IN THE USSR
KING OF PAIN
LIVING IN THE CITY
COSMIC SLOP
HOT FUN IN THE SUMMERTIME
THIS OLD HEART OF MINE
AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL (and I would've said it before 9/11;
wonderful standalone poetry)

Gimmi Legs Posted - 26 November 2001 19:4
-----------------------------------------------------------
Women think I'm tasty,
they always try to wastem
make me burn the candle right down.
But baby, getit straight, I dont need no jewels in my
crown.

Cause all you ladies, are low down gmblers, cheat like I
dont know how, But baby, baby theres fever in teh
funkhouse now.

This low down bitchin, got my poor feet a itchin
Dont you know the deuce is still wild
Baby, I cant stay, you got to roll me and call me the
Tumblin Dice

Always in a hurry , I never stop to worry, dont you see
the time flashing by.
Honey, I got no money, I'm all sixes and sevens and nines.
Say now baby, I'm the rank outsider, you can be my partner
in crime.
But baby, I cant stay, you got to roll me an call me the
tumblin dice

(wicked guitar solo by Mick Taylor)

Oh my, my , my I'm the lone crap shooter, PLayin the field
every night (every night)
Baby, I cant stay, you got to roll me and call me the
tumblin dice (got to roll me)
got to roll me
got to roll me, (be my sugar)

Tumbling Dice, song 5 off of EXILE ON MAIN STREET, written
by Mick Jagger and Keith Richard, at Keith Richard's villa
NELLECOTE, on the French Riviera, 1972

jamison Posted - 26 November 2001 19:8
-----------------------------------------------------------
Look, many moons ago, I worked in Boston's Combat Zone
(sort of a New England version of the old Times Square) I
was a janitor-cum-changemaker in a porno movie house and
sometimes I played in a band in one of those oldtime strip
joints. This was before the term "exotic dancer" becme
popular and many places still used live music. I was a
fringe member of the porn industry, which never held me
back in mainstream life. I'm sure it won't hurt the good
doctor...

sickdrjoe Posted - 26 November 2001 19:16
-----------------------------------------------------------
Looks like I'm shut out of that janitor's job at The
Church Of Jesus Christ Snakehandler though, so your
resume's still on top of the pile, Slipp.

This is sad, Slipp. It's the equivalent of you flailing
your arm behind you in search of ANYTHING that can be
converted into a weapon. Only you ended up hittin' me with
a loofah, boss. Try again.

ShempShady Posted - 26 November 2001 19:39
-----------------------------------------------------------
Man, this is getting funnier than FIGHTING BULLSAPPERS!

ISLIPP Posted - 26 November 2001 20:50
-----------------------------------------------------------
Look who's talkin' about digging up anything I can for a
counter attack! You, sickdrjer..joe, do it all the time.
Now, here's why I brought up the stuff about my
teacher...are you sitting down..because when I tell
you..you're going to feel pretty stupid...here it
is...some others were telling WHY lyrics mean something to
them, so I thought I would too. I thought my reason would
be interesting. I bet I could write a whole book about my
life (not for sympathy, mind you- and not because I think
my stories interesting, but because I think there was at
least one unique circumstance to every story that the
average person hasn't experienced) and copies would sell
like Spock ears at a "Star Trek" convention. Now if others
are able to tell their "why's", without getting razzed,
why can't I, even though I'm a little more open about
myself?

And sickdrjoe, at least I myself have a better job than
handing people food in their cars like you.

metaldams- If you think any job in the porno industry can
be "respectful" think again. While nudity itselfand sex
itself are beautiful things, they are dirty and evil when
exploited. Why? Because those things are meant to be
private. Let's see you pose in Playgirl with your shlong
exposed for all the world to see, then you can argue
whether or not porn industry jobs are "respectful."
Forgive me if this comes off as negative toward you,
because that really isn't my intent. I have no beef with
you and am not angry at you in the slightest. In fact,
have a Coke on me, or better yet, on sickdrjoe! He can
afford it- a customer actually tipped him today.

ISLIPP-2001

jamison Posted - 26 November 2001 20:58
-----------------------------------------------------------
Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'im...

NoseHonk Posted - 26 November 2001 21:31
-----------------------------------------------------------
What are you talking about?

Porn is wonderful!

metaldams Posted - 26 November 2001 22:12
-----------------------------------------------------------
Nosehonk, I am dying with laughter! Those 8 words have
sent me in stitches!

SLIPP, concerning poronography, you have your views, and I
have mine. I respect your right to your views and will not
knock you for them. I don't think there is anything
morally wrong with it as long as everyone involved is cool
with it.

Now on to what started this. I feel working in the porn
industry will not have a bearing on whether or not one can
get a job in most cases, especially working in retail like
sickdrjoe did. There's nothing illegal about it and it's
just a job, somebody's gotta do it.

Now about me posing in Playgirl. I'd have no problem with
the idea of a million girls seeing me naked in a magzine.
I love female attention. Of course, I'd have to tone my
mashed potato muscles before anybody would want to see me
naked, but that's another topic all together.

By the way, I didn't take anything you said personally, no
harm done.

sickdrjoe Posted - 26 November 2001 23:0
-----------------------------------------------------------
"I bet I could write a whole book about my life (not for
sympathy, mind you)..."

Oh yes it would be for sympathy. Like you've tugged on the
pant-legs of everyone you've ever known for sympathy. Like
the fifty-seven different plea-for-attention threads
you've started, most of which are titled something subtle
like, "ATTENTION EVERYBODY - VERY, VERY IMPORTANT LIFE
STORY INFORMATION" or "PEOPLE! READ THIS - IMPORTANT!"

YOU know - real subtle, writerly-type headings like that.
And THOSE comedies of deviant psychology have ended the
way this one will end, with you embarrassing yourself
further with one of your public oaths to be on your best
behavior.

"People - I beseech you...don't ban me! Give me a chance
to never act like an idiot again. I will never bring God
into a thread again, blah, blah, blah..."

We've all been through this before. Yaaawwn.
Your zeroing in on a job I had a dozen years ago as an
attack strategy is simply an illustration of the type of
behavior that got you LEASHED & WALKED.

Tell you what, though. If you'd like, I'd be pleased to
create a SLIPP'S GREATEST HITS thread, in which I cut and
paste from every degrading, foolish, moronic post you've
ever
inflicted on us. Wait, I'd better modify that to SLIPP'S
GREATEST HITS VOL. 1 since you've been a psalm-singing
thumb-sucking fool for so very, very long. Easy as pie to
do, since all of your idiocy is archived (except for the
threads shut down by C3, or those that have gotten you
stop-or-you're-banned warnings from other sites'
webmasters). All waiting to be dragged back into the
light, like prom photos from the year disco caught on.

Wouldn't you much prefer to play with a nice soup bone out
in the yard instead, Patches?

ISLIPP Posted - 26 November 2001 23:51
-----------------------------------------------------------
Okay sickdrjoe- finnish taking that customer's order so
you can put your full attention on what I'm about to say-
being open on this forum, (even though there are still
things in my life you couldn't physically torture me to
reveal) has helped me get YEARS of aggression off my
masculine, rippling, Mr. Universe-like chest. I don't
REALLY know anyone here and the chances of ever meeting
anyone here in person are slim and none. So why should it
matter- as long as I don't get into things I did while I
was naked? There was something REALLY humiliating that
happened to me at school one time (clothed), but I
wouldn't mention it here in a mega-zillion years. There
ARE limits, Bucky, and I intend to NEVER exceed those
limits.

You know what- your girlie magazine job proves this-
you'll do anything (or most anything) for a buck. Would
you..say..be walked like a poodle? What would you
do-oo-oo..for a Klondike Bar? (sorry, got carried away
there). You'd certainly take over Beavis and Butthead's
old job- only they worked at Burger WORLD if memory
serves.

You know, if memory serves, Burger King started their
"Kid's Club" around 5 years ago- and I hear you somehow
hoodwinked its organizers and became a charter member. I
hope your supervisor doesn't find out. If so, you'll
probably be taken off the drive-thru window and made to
scrub toilets.

One last thing- you think I'm going to be groveling at the
end THIS time? We'll see. In the meantime, I'll have a
cheeseburger to go, please.

ISLIPP-¨2001

ShempShady Posted - 27 November 2001 0:5
-----------------------------------------------------------
For someone who complains about 500-word essays, SCHLEPPY,
your last two posts alone total almost 550 words!

PAGE 5

sickdrjoe Posted - 27 November 2001 0:7
------------------------------------------------------
Let's piece together the clues in that first
paragraph ("there are still things in my life you
couldn't physically torture me to reveal....There was
something REALLY humiliating that happened to me at
school one time (clothed), but I wouldn't mention it
here in a mega-zillion years")

And by all means let's stir in the oddly telling
homoerotica you threw in for seemingly no reason
("..my masculine, rippling, Mr. Universe-like
chest.."). And just for laffs, let's add your
previous claim to practice kung fu in a room by
yourself while watching Chuck Norris on tv as another
piece of the overall puzzle.

Now let's all try and GUESS what that
so-horrible-I'll-never-tell buried Slipp memory could
be. I'm laying five-to-four you got regularly
molested by an adult male who worked at your
school/church. (Hey, if yer willing to freely share
the DOG story, this has gotta be REALLY bad, right?)

Any alternate theories?

hassan-ben-sober Posted - 27 November 2001 0:8
------------------------------------------------------
Yeah yeah, porn haha porn porn boobies hehe

Why are you bashing pron all of a sudden? What did
those poor deffensless large chested vixens ever do
to you. I personally would offer up my lodgings to
any poor young homeless porn actor or stripper who is
need of a helping hand, hey Id be doing my yearly
good deed.

Gimmi, love the lyrics on fixing America before we go
around the world to every third world country. In
fact this is what I would do under that what would
you do if you were pres. thread. Fixing America
should be our priority not friggin ethiopia

ive had a few to many myself
metaldams Posted - 27 November 2001 0:27
------------------------------------------------------
SLIPP, I feel sorry for you. You're going to go
through life thinking a money shot is only Val
Venis's old finisher and nothing else. You're totally
overlooking such talented people like Stephanie
Swift, Peter North, Missy, and Ron Jeremy. It took
years for these great and hard working people to
perfect their craft, just so they can entertain us.
Howard Stern, (God bless him), has made the world
realize what truly talented, gifted and wonderful
individuals these people are. These people spent
years studying their Kama Sutra's, and for what?
Definitely not to have people criticize them and
accuse them of being immoral. God bless these
talented young people.

Yours truly,
Doug E. Style

Edited by - metaldams on 11/27/2001 12:28:49 AM

ShempShady Posted - 27 November 2001 0:28
------------------------------------------------------
Well, doc, he might have been abducted by aliens...

sickdrjoe Posted - 27 November 2001 0:33
------------------------------------------------------
Shady: same difference. Either way, Slipp ends up
face-down on a shiny metal table, probed against his
will.

ISLIPP Posted - 27 November 2001 0:37
------------------------------------------------------
Oh brother. Sicky, your so far off the mark with that
guess. You wouldn't guess what it really was if you
tried forever.

Let's see what goes on in an average day at Burger
King:

Sickdrjoe: Welcome to Burger King, babe. I'll take
your order anytime!
Woman: How dare you? (SLAP)
Supervisor: Don't mind him, ma'am. He's new here- and
I have a feeling he won't be here much longer.
Sickdrjoe: Would you like fries with that?
Supervisor: Shut up and get back to those toilets!
I'll take over here. And don't use the sandwich
wrappers this time!

Now, I'll take that cheeseburger please- and hold the
onions and pickles.

Shady- Like I said B4, I don't call typing these
work, nor was I assigned to type them- so I don't
mind it in the least.

ISLIPP-¨2001

sickdrjoe Posted - 27 November 2001 0:47
------------------------------------------------------
Uh-oh; a fervent denial. Now I'm POSITIVE you took
the NAMBLA Orientation Tour after classes one day in
a supply closet. I'm sure you left with a bag full of
candy and a reminder never to tell any big people
what just happened between you two.

Methinks Lassie doth protest too much.

ISLIPP Posted - 27 November 2001 1:48
------------------------------------------------------
Whatever the heck "NAMBLA" is supposed to be, I
assure you, you're wrong about that whole post, O
boogie-woogie burger-boy at register B.

ISLIPP-©2001

ShempShady Posted - 27 November 2001 2:1
------------------------------------------------------
NAMBLA: North American Marlon Brando Look- Alikes.

bruckman Posted - 27 November 2001 2:2
------------------------------------------------------
DOWN, BOY!

sorry, just had to say it.

Gimmi Legs Posted - 27 November 2001 9:28
------------------------------------------------------
NAMBLA is a sick f#*k if an organization where old
men belive in a love association with young boys,
basicall a organization for fat, bald, fags who like
sex with children. NAMBLA- North America Man Boy Love
Association once were in the Phila area and one fat
fag was walking around with NAMBLA on his T shirt. I
felt it was MY Constitutional duty to punch this
piece of sh*t in the face as he walked by with his
pamphlets. There are freedoms but their is also
sickness and disgust

ShempShady Posted - 27 November 2001 10:26
------------------------------------------------------
Go, pais'!

But whereas I wouldn't have taken such a proactive
approach (perhaps), I agree with your general
sentiment.

It's parallel to a pro-euthanasia group holding a
meeting somewhere in my vicinity. Here again, whereas
I disagreed with their views, as long as I had no
evidence of their actually terminating someone's
life, I wouldn't be happy about them handing out
pamphlets or wearing 'Let's kill old folks'
tee-shirts. Still, I'd respect their constitutional
right to peaceably meet, in exchange of their
(misguided, sezz me) opinions.

What's in YOUR wallet?

--Yours in Shempitude and in Shadiness.


jamison Posted - 27 November 2001 20:39
------------------------------------------------------
I've probably been reading/watching pornography
longer than practically anyone here (maybe except for
the Field Marshal) and it definitely serves a useful
purpose. No, it is not for everyone, and those who
don't wish to indulge should not be put down for it.
I hate smoking, but I don't harangue those who do.
But I don't want porno-haters to try to take mine
away from me. As long as I keep it private, or only
share it with other consenting adults, don't bother
me and don't try to foist yer morals on me...

PAGE 6
Field Marshal Posted - 27 November 2001 23:42
----------------------------------------------------
Slick Chick - how did you get those italics in your
first page post?

ShempShady Posted - 28 November 2001 1:13
----------------------------------------------------
It has something to do with 'bractets' (which, I
think, is a third of an octet).

--Yours in Shempitude and in Shadiness.

kingMJA Posted - 29 November 2001 1:10
----------------------------------------------------
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII have become
comfortably numb!!!!!!!!

ISLIPP Posted - 29 November 2001 6:22
----------------------------------------------------
ANOTHER Pink Floyd fan- Praise be! Shine on, you
crazy diamond!

ISLIPP-©2001

Archibald Leach Posted - 6 April 2002 18:4
----------------------------------------------------
Bump, bump, BUMP!

IÕve been going through the archives for a week
now, and THIS is the best of them all. Nothing, I
mean NOTHING, tops The Dog Story and Islipp's
bewildered response to the raucous guffaws the
gallery was unable to hold in. Folks, it don't-
hell it CAN'T get any better than this.

"The last man who said that to me was Archie
Leach!"

ISLIPP Posted - 6 April 2002 19:1
----------------------------------------------------
bumpsky


Baron Bean Posted - 6 April 2002 21:7
------------------------------------------------------------
Uhh...Slipp...you're bumping the thread with your
'walked-on-a-leash' confession in it. See page 1.

You've spent the last two days screaming at people NOT to
revive threads where you humiliate yourelf. Now you're
bumping them yourself, Slipp-style: classic!

(Don't worry, I realize you didn't know what you were
doing. You can't fight and not be stupid, remember?)

metaldams Posted - 7 April 2002 1:33
------------------------------------------------------------
My favorite songs include:

AC/DC: Dog Eat Dog
Motorhead: Dogs



bruckman Posted - 7 April 2002 6:43
------------------------------------------------------------
Dude, where's my Bump?

bruckman Posted - 7 April 2002 7:15
------------------------------------------------------------
Bark...I mean, Bump.

bruckman Posted - 7 April 2002 7:30
------------------------------------------------------------
Just to replace what went missing on page 1 of this thread:

ISLIPP:<<<Pink Floyd-"Another Brick in the Wall". These
lyrics aren't special to me now, but when I was in 3rd
grade, my teacher seemed to either hate me or just enjoy
torturing me- physically and emotionally. I was fed up with
him, and education in general because of it.

One day, just because I did a dog imitation, he put a rope
around my neck and made me get down on all fours. He walked
me outside, where everbody that was playg could see. How
embarassing! I wanted to either bite him on the leg or pee
on it, thinking, if he wants me to be a dog, I'LL REALLY be
a dog! I didn't really pee on him or bite him, but those
thoughts made me feel a little better.>>>

And don't overlook [from page 2 of this thread]:

I also was punished in my first grade year by being
place<<<d in a huge cardboard box that a refridgerator was
shippedin. At least I got to sit at my desk in there. When
my third grade teacher got wind of this, he made up a
stupid limerick to make fun of me. I won't go into details
about it, but the limerick made mention of how I was so
well-known for wearing different colored socks (among other
things). Since then I've always worn matching socks.>>>

No dude, DON'T go into details about it, it's cool...

Hey, everybody likes a good shaggy dog story. I can't allow
myself to let others be deprived.

Edited by - bruckman on 4/7/2002 7:42:40 AM

jamison Posted - 7 April 2002 13:0
------------------------------------------------------------
I'm about to have a stroke from the stifled guffaws. This
is classic literature!

NoseHonk Posted - 7 April 2002 13:23
------------------------------------------------------------
There once was a boy named Cox...
Who was forced to sit in a box
His pants he did soil...
Just like that dream goil...
And he thought to himself "What a fox!"

Edited by - Nosehonk on 4/7/2002 4:03:52 PM

NoseHonk Posted - 7 April 2002 15:5
------------------------------------------------------------
Bump-a-licious

Baron Bean Posted - 7 April 2002 15:27
------------------------------------------------------------
There once was an overgrown baby
Who liked to watch Scooby and Hagee
With the eeriest calm
He dressed up like Mom
To tell us, "my son is not crazy"

NoseHonk Posted - 7 April 2002 15:54
------------------------------------------------------------
(snapping fingers and raising mocha)

Jimnaseum Posted - 7 April 2002 16:20
------------------------------------------------------------
Sittin' in Mom's basement
Eyeing little girls with bad intent
Snot running down his nose
Sniffing tiny pairs of panyhose
Ohhhhhhhhhhh Aquaslipp!

"If it wasn't for fear i wouldn't get out of bed in the morning" - Forrest Griffin

Offline shemps#1

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Re: Memories of Third Grade
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2006, 02:02:31 PM »
Bruck, you are the fuckin' man!

If only we can get the Meditran thread, this would be damn near complete.
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish." - Unknown